he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
