Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
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You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
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So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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