I saw his package. It spoke to me.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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