32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
