just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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