you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
