What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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