I wannas sexs uuuuu
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
