never play flip cup with pint glasses
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm always down for nudity.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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