It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
