We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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