i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
