You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
