suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
