you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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