I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
