fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
