I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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