Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
