i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
