I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
