I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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