He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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