She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
