I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye