Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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