Im at strip club and am horny
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
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dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
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Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon