Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
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That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
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No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.