Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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