You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"