You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination