alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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