I can tuck mytits in my pants
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
