I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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