im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My penis needs a shock collar
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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