so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
