I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
