I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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