if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
