I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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