We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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