Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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