I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
