I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
