come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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