She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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