He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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