I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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