He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
