I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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