So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
