$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
We got so high we made milksteak
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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