Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
