so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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