Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
