Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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