just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
