Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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