you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
