woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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