Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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