I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
