fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
