I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
