And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
