no. you can't hotbox the world.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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