I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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