Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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